i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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