You're my little dorito
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
