I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
