Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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