We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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