Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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