hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
