Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
