Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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