You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
