i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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