Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize