Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
