Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
