I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
