Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
