I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
