I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
