Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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