I just saw a hot homeless man
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
