Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
