I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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