I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
