Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
