Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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