bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
