i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
