that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
