We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
