I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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