Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
