If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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