This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need moral support for this bender
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
