everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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