Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
