you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
