I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
