Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
