How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize