where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
