Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
