I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
