I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize