I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
