If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
