I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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