We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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