I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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