my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
