Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
