I want to make a zoo with you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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