who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
