When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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