When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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