i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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