Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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