oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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