do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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