so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
