Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
