Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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