I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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