when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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