Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
