so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
