Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
