I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
