Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
