According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i came on her dog
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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