I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
