I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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