No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
