Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
