Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
