I faked an abortion last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
