He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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