I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
