does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
